December 2, 2015
Do you ever feel like you’re dealing with just too much SAD? I was watching a show last night called Treblinka: Hitler’s Killing Machine and I just sat there and cried and cried at what I saw – it was quite graphic. I cried for all the people that were lacking not only in food, but in love, and for all the inhumane and awful stuff that exists in this world (and because Robby is such an alternative news guy — I even cried for all the OTHER stuff about Nazi Germany that people DON’T know, that even continues today). I cried thinking about Jesus dying for us for these terrible sins of man. I had to immediately turn it off, but just sat there and cried until I just couldn’t even cry anymore! Robby is a history buff, and he’s an civil and human rights activist. He’s also a huge protector of our freedoms and our constitutional rights. He can watch this stuff, and he sees it for the educational aspect and he thinks of what he can do to help the world with these problems — he doesn’t sit there with a box of tissues like I do! Robby is like Superman in my eyes. He’s tough, he’s a warrior and he’s a fighter for people. He blogs constantly about the topics and is that kind of guy that reads articles all day everyday to stay on top of what’s happening globally. He is the complete opposite of myself — but he does keep me in touch with the things happening in the world. I’m more of a ‘rainbows and kitty cats’ kind of gal myself. I always try to just focus on and talk about the happy things in life, the little things that make people GOOD, the happy little things that are so simple and not negative in any way. I grew up with depression and sadness, so I try to live each day as if it would be my last. But, this past month (or so) has been quite trying on my emotions! Do you ever just feel like that? Like, “HERE IS MY WHITE FLAG! I GIVE UP” haha! First my sweet (well, cantankerous) Granpoppy passed in October during the busiest part of my wedding season. It just overloaded me emotionally. I live with guilt of not visiting him more. It brought back all my guilt of not writing or calling my mom’s mom when she has Alzheimer’s and was in a care home in England. The guilt of ‘oh I was too busy to call or write, or I never bought stamps, or never picked up the phone’. It’s amazing how life can throw so many curveballs our way with material things, financial problems, etc. But when we have something that affects our BEING, our soul, our emotions, it’s just so hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suffering from depression (I know what that feels like!), I just mean to say how hard life can be when it comes to the icky emotional stuff. In these tough moments though, prayer makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing not only does God love me, and that Jesus died for all our sins. But, also, my sweet son, my parents, sisters, grandma and my Superman of a husband are the GOOD. Not only them, but my sweet brides that I get to work with throughout the year, the vendors that are my friends (and coworkers!). There is so much LIGHT and so much GOOD and so much God in the world. Sometimes it’s hard to see it through all the muck and all the PROBLEMS. I didn’t intent to make this such a preachy post, but I hope it helps you if you’re dealing with some icky emotional stuff – which statistically speaking, gets worse in the winter for people. It’s cleansing, it’s good for the soul to have the down times and to think about what’s out there that’s BAD that we can make better for other people, because it makes the good times that much more AMAZING. If you’re the praying kind, please say one for me and my family and leave a comment below and I’ll say one for you too!