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life purpose

November 14, 2013

Hi, I'm jessica.
Hi there! Welcome to the Clover Club blog, a journal about our lives, travels, fashion, and style. Stay a while and say hello!
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Image of Emily & David's Wedding by Katelyn James

A personal post today :-)

This week I’ve spent quite a bit of time praying for guidance.

For the past few months I have been so busy with concentrating on the basics of running my wedding business, that I was caught up in the everyday go-go-go. Because I was so focused on doing everyday tasks (wake up, work/design/do beautiful things, come home, make dinner, go to bed) I was forgetting to focus on the future, and where I want to eventually end up. I’m sure we can all agree, unless you like things to always be the same for comfort, that we don’t want to do the same thing day in and day out. That next year, we’ll take over the world. I have huge dreams of one day being an inspiration to the underdog, helping the hungry and the poor (yes, this is my Miss America speech). I just have a burning desire to do great work for God and to be his worker here on earth. I know many can sympathize in my dream to be able to pay my bills, have just enough clean clothes on my back to be able to go out in the world and HELP other people. Help ANYONE. Do you feel you have some sort of purpose that you aren’t fulfilling?  Doesn’t it drive you nuts?! I feel that God has given me the gift of business savvy, and the gift of great empathy – am I not yet realizing the potential of what He gave me those gifts for?

I saw a post that David Tutera made today about providing a dream wedding to a young lady with leukemia. I feel that one day, I’ll be doing things like that. But how do we get there? The bummer is that there’s no book on how to be great. Or is there? For Christian, all answers are in the Bible. I feel anytime I find myself hit my knees after a long absence of doing so, I find soon after the most amazing answers or inspirations. I feel that when I go days, weeks without prayer, I start to FEEL it. The fire goes away, and frustration settles in. Because of many many many past experiences, I am a very firm believer that if you don’t ask for God’s help, he’ll put you on your knees and make you BEG for it. At these moments, and very soon after, something magical happens that lifts me up – whether it’s a conversation with someone that I need to hear and they say all the right words that God knows I need. Or, that I read an article that is so random but so perfectly timed for me to read. Or, that thing I’d been cursing over just appears to work itself out in such a beautiful way that it MUST have been an answer. It might not always be the answer I want, but it’s always right on time. Isn’t God so good??

This week I’ve been praying for guidance, to be pointed in the right direction, SOMETHING. My begging is something like this: “I want to travel the world and do great work for you, show me how to get there!” HAHA! I often find that the answer is that it would take money to put my plans into action. But, God doesn’t like it when I pray for money or earthly possesions, or pray for exactly what ‘I’ think ‘I’ need. He knows my heart, ‘He’ knows what ‘He’ needs of me. So, I just have to have faith that the path will reveal itself to me and I’ll figure it out. Can I get an Amen?? :-)

Yesterday I got an email from a lady name Cathy Dyson, of the Free Lance Star. She wrote an article about me almost three years ago (found here) about my struggles as an athiest, suicidal teen. She wants to write another piece, sort of a ‘where are they know’ follow up article. The interesting thing about this situation is that as soon as my article was printed on the front page of the newspaper, I had quite a few local schools contact me and ask if I could come chat with their troubled teens. I did one speaking engagement, but I don’t think I was mature enough to handle the task, honestly. I never followed up with the other contacts. Is this new article going to be a way to maybe try to reach out again? I really hope so. I have such a passion for teens that have trouble finding their way, especially ones that feel so hopeless that they flirt with suicide. Is this God trying to push me to something that I missed on the first time around? I have faith that it was an answer, it’s guidance. No, I don’t think it means I should quit my job, don’t get that confused! But, I do think it’s something I need to pursue as that something that I can do to give back. Even if it’s not giving food or money, it is giving hope. So, I guess regardless of the platform or medium of helping others, it’s still achieving the goal of helping others. I have always dreamed of literally ‘giving’ food/water…. I’m hoping one day I get to that place of being able to, but for now I’m searching for whatever I can  get my hands on.

I know this article may be a little bit of a rambling piece, but, please share your thoughts about anything you can relate to here!

  1. Meredith says:

    Amen! I loved this post and want to thank you for sharing! I find myself getting caught up in the same daily grind and also feeling frustrations of not fullfilling my God given purpose in day to day life. It drives me nuts as well! I also have dreams of traveling the world and yearn to do “great” things, but struggle with making sure I’m not praying to God to ask for the wrong reason – for my own personal gain. I completely agree that the desire to be “great” must come from a place of wanting to serve God and others. I’ve begun to pray to be a “light” for others, it any manner that may be. If I can inspire or bring comfort or happiness to someone then I feel most fullfilled! Please know that you and your article were a “light” for me today! Thank you! :)

    • admin says:

      Thank you Meredith for sharing! I am not alone :D Sometimes we just wish it was more of an instant ‘here you go, this is what you’re supposed to be doing for the rest of the world, and don’t worry about your bills – those will magically be paid for’ haha! :-) Continue spreading your joy, light and love with the world!

  2. Kat says:

    Oh girl I agree with this post so much!!! God 100% gives us the desires of our hearts & I’m KNOW He’s so happy with the desires you want to fulfill. I think it’s so important to remind ourselves that we are fulfilling God’s plan for our lives JUST AS WE ARE. Yes, BIG THINGS are great – helping teens, helping cancer patients – those are BEAUTIFUL things!! But I think the “ordinary” & “every day” things are pretty great too. I love knowing that God has my every-day & my big dreams under control. He knows what’s good for me, in HIS time. It can be frustrating that it’s not always “my” time, but also really, really reassuring that He has a bigger plan. I’m so glad you shared your heart :) I’m SO excited for the BIG and ORDINARY things God has in store for you!!! YAY! :)

    • admin says:

      Thank you so much Kat!! I can always count on you to have my back! Thank you so much for your kind and uplifting words/reminders!

  3. Leslie Veronee says:

    Hey girl! I love love love your blog! I can relate on so many different levels! You are definitely NOT alone! Thank you for sharing your faith and feelings! You are very inspirational to me personally! I love you Amanda! <3

  4. LOVE this!!!!! And love Kat’s comment too!! There are times when God is VERY clear about BIG THINGS for me to do and then other days I have to remind myself that emails and blog posts DO point people toward Jesus…. even if I feel like what I’m doing is just stressful and time consuming. I’m SO bad at balance but I’m trying to get better at it so that I don’t miss what God has for us with this business. I will say this girl, God didn’t give you that amazing story of healing and redemption to keep to yourself… I think you’re seeing Him gradually showing you that he has GREAT plans for you AND for your story. You can speak into those teens lives far more effectively than I EVER could because of what you have been through and that’s powerful!!!! go for it!!! I’m so excited for you!!!! LOVED reading this post!!!

  5. I totally feel you on getting caught up in the day to day tasks and losing sight of the big picture. I’ve had to take a step back and really evaluate what I want to spend my time on and then figure out how to make that a priority.

    I love that you have a passion to mentor youth! You should feel confident in how you’ve grown and I’m sure you will be an inspiration.

  6. Fiona says:

    I have had so many instances of prayers being answered that I cannot count! When you feel you have no solution for a problem, you let go and free your mind of the worry…then it comes to you. I believe that it is in those moments of silence, call it prayer, meditation or whatever suits the individual…that you are open to the signs that point the way. I have randomly opened a magazine and it has immediately fallen to an article that I probably would not have read, and has given me the tools I needed at that time. I have also been having a conversation with a friend and they relate a story to me that gives me inspiration just when I needed it. Television programs found while “surfing” would also give me that little nugget.

    On the subject of serving others, I believe there are so many needs out there that you have to understand what your gift is to give to others and be assured that it WILL fill a need. I am luck enough to have a job in which I help others every day, as a Paramedic rendering emergency care. As well as the medical assistance I provide, to include many tasks and procedures that any trained provider can provide, I believe my true gift in this situation is one of compassion and empathy. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but for someone who has just taken pills in a suicide attempt or an elderly person who is sick and has no family, connecting to another human being is important and powerful. Please remember that the gifts that you have are very important, and other than food and water, some of our basic needs are emotional and spiritual. Amen to that!

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I'm Jessica and I'm so happy you're here. This blog a journal about our lives, travels, fashion, and style. Stay a while and say hello!

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