A marriage isn’t a package deal — sign the paper, have the wedding, and BOOM — fairy tale created. It’s not a box that you get when you get married that is full of things like intimacy, friendship, trust. It’s more like a soup pot. You have to put in ingredients to create the product. You have to tend to it, take care of it, stir it, add a little more seasoning to keep it interesting. You have to watch it, let it simmer and the flavors and ingredients to blend over time to create the perfect mixture of yummy goodness. You put IN the love, you put IN the intimacy and romance. If you continue taking out of the pot and don’t put anything in, you will have an empty and unhappy relationship.
After fourteen years with Robby, we’re at a place where we completely understand, respect, trust and show love to each other. Over time, as we have changed, grown and matured, our relationship has become a fairy tale. Not over night — over time. Some relationships I’ve come across lately are so full of an out of balance ratio. I’ve come across some women and men that talk so negatively about their relationships. What I gather from their commentary about how they just want to give up and get rid of their relationship, is that some people expect some sort of magical ‘knight in shining armor’ scenario. That a man/woman is just going to come along and be Mr./Mrs. Perfect and everything should work great from the start and that as soon as something isn’t FUN anymore or when things get difficult, they want to just start fresh. Well, it’s not all rainbows and kitty cats. Marriage is WORK. Yes, I know some relationships really just go far beyond any fixing, but I’m talking about those situations where it CAN be worked, and it can be molded.
There’s NO such thing as a perfect guy. Ever, anywhere.
What you WILL find is that relationships get to a point where they run like a well oiled machine. You take care of the parts of the car, and the car will run great. You can buy a brand new car and it runs well for a while, but soon it’s going to need oil and care. Don’t put oil in it, and eventually it won’t run at all! A marriage works just like that — don’t put anything in and after a while, it won’t exist. If you don’t have the same family values, if you don’t have respect for each others likes/dislikes, if you don’t trust each other, if you don’t show affection or love to each other — you are destined for failure. I’m not saying I’m perfect, I’m not saying we have the best relationship. What I am saying is that I’ve observed over time what helps a relationship to grow in love. We’ve had times where one of those elements is out of balance, and it truly does throw everything else into a tailspin.
I’ve been reading this book called Men, Women, Relationships Made Easy. It was a very random find at a point in Robby and my relationship where I needed a little help loving on him and didn’t know how I needed to work on ME. It’s a great read! The writer is a little goofy, but it’s a great read!
Some things in her book that really stuck with me, that helped me in my relationship:
be SPONTANEOUS … have fun, be fun. Nobody wants to be around an unhappy person
don’t boss him around, sweet talk him … a man doesn’t want to marry his mother
let him be your HERO, don’t tell him to … he’ll rise to the occasion and it’ll make him feel like a million bucks
DON’T play the blame game … don’t count wrongs, none of us are perfect
If your relationship gets tough, work on it. Nurture it and help it grow. This is why marriages are called WORK. They aren’t perfect from the beginning. When it comes to a marriage, you get out what you put in. You want fun, make it fun. You want love and affection, give it. You want trust, give it. You want adventure, create it. I hope God blesses you with a beautiful marriage and beautiful relationship!
xoxo – Amanda